The Nose No’s: The Internet reacts to the new BMW M3 and M4

The Nose No’s: The Internet reacts to the new BMW M3 and M4
Gearheads generally await new iterations of the M3 (and, with BMW’s new naming convention, the M4) with the type of zeal exhibited by tech nerds looking forward to the next Apple product.

They know it’ll be a great performer, even if a few of its competitors already have a few of its features.

Lately, fans of Cupertino temper this enthusiasm with the realization Apple’s design choices sometimes leave a bit to be desired. That’s why, given that mug on the new M3 and M4, this metaphor has never been more apt.

Hey, at least you don’t have to look at the thing while driving it.

Sep 23, 2020 at 1:00am PDT

“I think your designer works for Mercedes,” said one commenter on BMW’s official Instagram post about the new cars, while user bmwandchill – who actually seems to own a Bimmer or two – joked he thinks the designer is an intern.

Others felt the need to use terms like ‘bucktoothed monstrosity,’ which is particularly harsh to those of us with dental issues. Our tooth gap isn’t that big, is it?

Posted by BMW on  Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Another enthusiast made the observation this XXL kidney grille could serve as a platform for better engine cooling, permitting the car to breathe better and track harder. This is a decent point, one BMW itself made in promo materials for the car, stating the large intakes provide “optimum inflow.”

Close study of pictures available from BMW show a limited amount of open area behind the Euro license plate, and the M3 Competition also has an annoyingly offset goiter housing sensors for driving aids underneath the plate as well. Those jowls flanking That Grille surely hoover up clean air as well.

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Tuning in to a video hosted by BMW and attended by brand zealots, we learned fans of the brand are very interested in the car’s gee-whiz carbon=fibre bucket seats, whose construction and lateral support are sure to erase images of That Grille during hot laps.

Performance was also a hot topic, with fans clamoring for confirmation of the reported sub-4.0-second zero-to-100-km/h time. BMW is holding fast to the line that the stated 3.9-second dash is a ‘provisional’ figure, but you can bet your bottom bratwurst the M4 Competition Coupe will meet or beat that number in the hands of pro drivers.

Elsewhere, the sewers forums were alit with reaction, punctuated as they often are with pre-school grammar and an abundance of exclamation marks. Looking past this quagmire, some well-written and measured feedback was given, including this bit from a 2018 540i M Sport driver in the West Midlands who pointed out one “should never have to persuade/convince yourself to like the appearance of any car.” To this, they have a good point.

A very exuberant user of the G80Bimmer forum tempered the criticism with gushing praise, saying “Wow! The new M3 and M4 looks are really good and aggressive, and so much more modern than the outgoing F8x!” However, the user also admits to driving a 6-Series Gran Coupe, so their opinions about styling should not be taken as the last word in good taste. At least these words were posted by an account registered nearly ten years ago and not a just-created account, the latter of which sometimes appear while a frantic PR team attempts damage control.

No matter one’s opinion about the M3/M4 front fascia, BMW has won the game by getting people on both sides of the fence passionately talking about it. BMW has set prices of $84,300 and $85,100 in Canada for the M3 and M4, respectively; given the performance promised by BMW, we’re sure they’ll sell every single one – no matter what we say about its nose – they bring to this country after its market launch in March 2021.
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